Conscience

Tonight I had a dream - I was ahighschool student, and had just discovered a horrible practice, of abuse and mass murder of chicks for the egg-industry, and had to uncover it for all my fellow schoolmates to know about! I was snatching the microphone, from my classmate who sang on stage, and was just talking about what I saw, that terrible Truth I had just witnessed, and the headmistress was trying to get me silenced.

Putting aside the question as to Why did my brain choose that specific setting for this specific scenario - I know why, and it truly is pretty much irrelevant to our discussion - the point here is, that, of course, both the ideological highschooler and that nasty headmistress are me. They represent two different parts of my personality - the highschool pupil represents my moral, my conscience, while the headmistress represents my awareness to the harsh reality.

Upon making the choice to go back to Vegetarianism five months ago, I did betray my most sacred values, in order to keep this body alive and well. I could not stay Vegan, as there was absolutely no way for me to obtain the essential nutrients from Hotel "Turist"'s Breakfast's very limited Vegan options - and I had no money, at the time, to buy anything beyond that.

(This was the "Headmistress" part of my brain speaking.)

A - I could have sacrificed this body, in order to remain loyal to the person I am, and to die as Vegan, and B - I now have enough money, to go and buy stuff at the supermarket instead!

(This, of course, is the "Highschool Student" part of it.)

A - Yes. I could have chosen death. I chose Life for the body, while compromising the soul. Right? Wrong?

B - Yes, however, here at Velikiy Novgorod, the options are even more limited, than they had been at ❤️Babruysk❤️! I could not find Tofu anywhere, and Hummus = the only one I found, at only one single supermarket, it was stuck at the middle of the murdered corpses' section; I could not reach my hand to touch and grab that. And - even cheap, and seemingly innocent beans jars, have, sometimes, various despicable atrocities, stuffed inside them... various... "surprises". 😢

A land without Kashrùth... 😢

And, of course, I cannot cook here. There's no guest kitchen here, at this guesthouse, which means, I can only buy and eat cold stuff, which does not require any cooking = bread and spreads, conserved pickles etc. And even many breads, have milk and/or eggs in them.

This was my Breakfast here this morning, merely three hours ago:

What have we got here? Bread, butter, yellow swiss cheese, a hard boiled egg, Tomato, Cucumber, Coffee with milk and two sugars, and buckwheat porridge with some ketchup.

Now, remove the egg and dairy parts - and what's left for me to consume?

Bread, Tomato, Cucumber, Coffee with two sugars, and buckwheat porridge with some ketchup.

At "Turist" (and most other Hotels I've been to) there were also Jam and, sometimes, some Fruit; not here.

If I'll eat out (not like I have the money to do so every day - twice a week, at best - but let's assume I could) then only at some Cafés, there's also Vegan milk (usually Coconut), always for a "nice" extra sum - and hardly anything Vegan to eat. Hardly ever, here in this town.

There's only one single Vegetarian Café (with various Vegan options) here, I'd visited it yesterday (after three days of holding my breath financially, I could relax it just a bit for a day, before going back to austerity now...). Here's what I ate there:

Soy, Tofu dishes... (the empty one was a Veggie Salad.) All was very Yummy and well, until I took a look at some of the stuff the guy offers there for sale - and came across a bunch of jewelry.

At the form of swastikas.

Now - it is an indian style place (lots of "Om's" and Krshna and everything), and I know that, originally, the swastika had represented reincarnation and Peace - but I don't care.

At the modern era, swastika stands for one thing only: nazi memorabilia.

And so, at such a place, I cannot sit.

And, currently, I wouldn't have the money for it, anyway.

So... I am deeply sorry, Conscience. For the timebeing, there really isn't any possible way for me, to be Vegan again... 😢