MY GREATEST FAILURE

The unthinkable has happened.

After Eight Years and Seven Months of Pure, insistent and TOUGH AS A ROCK Veganism, after an entire month of going through some of the WORST TRIALS that I have EVER faced, growing weaker and weaker every day, I have, finally, broke down and capitulated.

After weeks of having (almost) nothing, but cooked buckwheat (with a bit of ketchup), a few slices of tomato and cucumber and a few small slices of bread with plum jam to eat on Breakfast (=for the entire day, as I have had absolutely no money, to buy anything, so I could ONLY eat whatever Vegan stuff the Hotel would have on Breakfast, and growing weaker and weaker by the day (and with no Vitamin D, as my supplement ran out, for lack of money I cannot buy a new one, and the Belarusian winter - or the polish or the lithuanian, no real difference for that matter - practically has no Sun...), I have, at final last, given up, and ate cheese and eggs.

I had NEVER thought, NEVER believed, that such a day would come to me. I have ALWAYS took a HUGE pride at my toughness, my strictest loyalty towards my principles, "I will destroy this ship before handing over any technology to the Kazon" = words to live by.

But - Voyager has had over one hundred and forty people, to comfort one another and to give each other strength. While I am all alone, just one single man alone on this World, with absolutely NO ONE at my side, and totally alone having gone through sleepless homeless nights, of frost and fear, back at nasty warsaw, escaping death-threats at the polish refugee camp, and days of starvation - in full or in part.

And there is only so much a man alone can take...

Of course, had I stayed in israel, I could easily have stayed 100% Vegan; there, all I had to do, in order to stay alive and not being sent to prison, or lynched in the street, was to praise the israeli military and to say, laughing, "why, those Palestinians in Gaza? I don't care about them, nor about their babies and kids! Long live the military, hail the victory, hail!!" (Should I supply a German translation here, or...??)

Either support Animal abuse, or the genocide in Gaza, in order to survive... this, dear readers, is the choice I have faced.

Or commit suicide, and thus never betray any principle... maybe that's the Best solution here; I don't know yet... could be... could be...

I just know this: in order to maintain this body's proper function, I have now changed, from Vegan, into Vegetarian: I do not touch any meat or fish, however I now do eat dairy and eggs - and cow's milk I avoid since it does bad things to my digestive system.

Maybe, in the Future, if I will live long enough to see it, I shall be able, to go Vegan again... perhaps. Perhaps...